It’s been raining all day from the moment I stepped onto the bus until now, stuck inside of Allonsy with half of the camp scattered between this floor and downstairs. There’s literally nothing for me to take pictures of right now that could make for an interesting newsletter, so even though I banned myself from writing anything while at camp, I need to keep myself occupied somehow until all the units make it here to Allonsy and the adults figure out something for me to do.
I’m holed up inside of IV’s office right now. Bringing along a bootable flash drive was a good idea because there’s no way in hell I’m trusting the hotspot someone I don’t even know brought along, and given the fact that, for some reason, the lockscreen on my computer has been malfunctioning and not asking for a password- I’m not going to take the risk of someone passing by and opening it up and stealing all the files I haven’t bothered to encrypt yet.
I’ve been doing some thinking, most of it last night while watching the thunderstorm roll in over radar. I don’t think my plan of being able to hide in Heavestone forever is going to work. If Petya is to be trusted and Amelia knows where Heavestone is, then what’s to stop Mordern from knowing where everyone I love lives as well? Amelia would want all the help she could get, right?
No, Petya said that she was coming to Earth alone. So I have two choices.
The first one: I can beg Mordern to help me stop Amelia, being that she’s supposed to be their responsibility, side with Limberstein afterwards to get to Miralay, and then destroy the Singularity and let the rebels take over. But what if Mordern doesn’t listen to me? What if Mordern decides to prosecute me instead? No. They don’t seem to be actively looking for me. I think I would know if they were. Missing children signs, public campaigns…
And if I go back to Miralay, that Singularity might use my brain-machine interface to kill me. I don’t even know how to use it, but surely a computer with vastly more resources and knowledge would know every single exploit and weakness and shoot me down like a fly in mere seconds. That reminds me- most of the rebels had brain-machine interfaces. Does the Singularity know about them?
Are they all dead?
God damn it, Sully, why won’t you tell me anything?!
The second option: I can wait for the attack, hope that it’s just Amelia, and then defend myself and Heavestone. Then I can blame Mordern for the attack, which may or may not be believed by the media, which might cause Mordern to lose control of Miralay, which might allow Limberstein to gain control of them and be able to fight off the Singularity.
Either way will probably result in at least some innocent Miralayans losing their lives. And I can’t blame them- it’s not their fault they’re brainwashed. It’s Mordern’s and Amelia’s fault for perpetuating the system and Liv’s-
Liv was just doing what she thought was right. She had a more coherent plan than I ever did.
Do I actually care about Miralayans being liberated and living long lives? Or did I only care since I was being forced into a system I couldn’t ever be happy in? Because now that I’m down here on Earth, and they’re far away again, I can’t seem to muster up enough energy to care.
If the people are happy, and the system works… then who am I to deny them their happiness? Who am I to force other people to live by my ideals? Who am I to tell a corporation what to do if they’re not breaking any laws?
I guess I’ll flip a coin then. Heads, first option. Tails. Second option.
You know, I… kind of miss Liv. Has it really been almost three weeks since she died? That seems kind of hard to believe. I think… I think it’s time for me to forgive her.
It’s Amelia I should be angry at. Not Liv; she was just doing what she thought was right, and in hindsight, maybe her presence did bring some sort of stability to the people. If only she hadn’t stumbled into the damn rebel hallway- maybe then she’d still be alive!
I shouldn’t be angry at Mordern. Should I? I mean, it’s their fault that I can’t live a normal life like every other human and have to stay in the shadows. But I’m always going to be considered their property, aren’t I?
So many unfortunate circumstances.
I don’t think I want to hide in the shadows anymore.
There’s got to be a third option.
But what’s it supposed to be? Take out Amelia and then… then what? There isn’t much I can do by myself, being just one teenager. The general public doesn’t know too much about Miralay, and any information available isn’t exactly where most people would bother to look. And besides, who’d believe that Heavestone was real, anyways? I might as well be a scam artist. Some kind of anti-capitalist anarchist jealous of someone else’s success.
I used to call everywhere outside Heavestone the “Land of Shadows”. I wish I could go back to that kind of innocence. Go back to Miralay being just a faint ping in the back of my mind, not really much of a threat as long as I stayed hidden inside Heavestone. Eventually, I’d grow up and either get a job inside of the community being paid in housing or food or some other non-money thing or manage to pass as an undocumented worker in the Land of Shadows.
Damn it! Why wasn’t I born a normal human? Why do I have to be cursed to such an ethereal existence? There’s nothing good about being Miralayan. All it is- is just a curse. It’s… it’s like trying to run a computer system. Either you have to piece together a Frankenstein system with hundreds of barely-maintained open source programs that don’t function well together, if at all, just for some feeling of being free, or take the beautiful top-of-the-line ecosystem that works flawlessly and sacrifice any sense of control or privacy or anything you value.
Is taking up the role of Providence the only chance I have at making some sort of positive change for the people I love in Heavestone?
Has that chance passed?
And what about my friend Sully, if she even still wants to be my friend? How is it going to look when, after I’ve made this big of a deal about hating Miralay and not wanting to be the Providence, we cross paths again as enemies? I’d be willing to work with her to change the government slowly over time, but I’d practically be a slave to the rebels, assuming any are still left…
I… I think I need a break. I need to think…