from the OTHER archives: Socks, Part 4, Chapters 18-20

Something funny has happened to me over the past few days- previously, my writing pace was one chapter per two days, but over the last three days, I’ve written five chapters. Is something broken? Have I finally landed upon a stroke of genius? Only time will tell.

“You know, Tim,” Tomorrow was reminiscing after he had woken up from whatever had gotten over him, “when I got turned creepy I was awake the whole time. With anesthesia, of course, so I couldn’t feel what they were doing to me, but I was awake the whole time. And I want the same for you.” She shifted slightly on the stool that she was sitting on.

Unfortunately for us, G had not yet discovered this creative genius and was, once again, pulling out the surgery plot device card. Where’s the adventure I was promised? The action? The story of a girl who tried desperately to live a life away from the clutches of the Laboratory?

I almost want to quit this series for good and return to writing poetry. But I must persist. I must get it done, because I must finish everything I start.

Tim groaned and struggled against the leather restraints of the operating table. “But why? When they do the face-”
“You’ll be awake.”
“The eyes-”
“You’ll be awake.

It’s not like you’ll be seeing them doing your eyes; we’ll just temporarily disable the part of the brain that processes visual input.

It’s not that simple, Tomorrow. In fact, not only is everything you just describe impossible with current medicine, but have you considered the psychological effect of being forced t be awake while you know that surgeons, complete strangers, are cutting into you and manipulating your body while you lay helpless? Do you know how much that wrecks a person’s mind?

But of course it’s just a deux ex machina. It always is.

It’ll be like being blind for an hour or two. And then when we’re done, we’ll let you see again.”
Another groan came from Tim. “How much longer?”

Can we please wait until the sequel? Because then I’ll have an excuse to never see that scene.

“Well, my private band of freaks, the surgeons, and I could start in a couple of minutes, but I was thinking of giving you a couple of hours to get used to being strapped down to a table.”
Tomorrow started toward the door, but she halted when Tim simply said, “Wait.”

“No, I’m waiting because that’ll take up more words and paragraph breaks, making this book longer. It’s a marketing strategy. You should try learning it.”

“You have a metallic edge to your voice. Did that happen when you turned creepy? I can’t remember.”
“Yes. Yes, it did. I wanted it that way and I’ll do it to you too. Happy boring couple of hours until I come back again.” Tomorrow left and locked the door behind her.
Tim groaned again at his fate.

Just use your fairy magic and slip out of the restraints. Change your name, learn a foreign language, and live out the rest of your life somewhere in Europe.

Is there anybody there?
I’m so bored!
Help me!
I feel like I’m slowly slipping away to somewhere.
I’m going insane here!
Where am I?

“Hello, Timothy Lluckifdepahoki. So nice to see someone whose last name means ‘over the hill’ in Zorphese. Ummm… I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, that’s right- you’re getting turned creepy today.”

Look at this character right here. It was a decent and potentially redeemable character with lots of potential, and then you messed it up. Look at it. It’s creepy now.

“Thanks for reminding me, Weird Lady in a Shower Cap.”
“It’s not a shower cap, it’s a hair net to make sure that while we’re turning you creepy, none of my hair falls over and touches your internal organs. That would be bad.”

“You [insert a swear word of your choice here] people touching my organs would be even worse. Have some respect for other people’s personal space.”

I know that this book series is no longer completely considered canonical, but I think Miranda would beg to differ. What a difference four years can make. We went from caricatures of horror movie characters to respectful and sane people like Anders.

But you’ll learn that later. Much later. Now I better get Tomorrow before it really is tomorrow.” She left the room and 5 minutes later came back with a bedraggled Tomorrow.
Tomorrow squinted really hard at Tim and asked, “Who are you? Oh… wait… hi, Tim! Let me put my glasses on!” She took a random pair of glasses from a random person standing next to her and put them on. “Much better. Let’s begin.”

I̶̘̘͔̲ ̺l̻o̤͓͢n҉͙̘̦̦̗̤̪g̲̭͔̭̬̞ ͇͙̤̲̕f̙̩͖̮̦̼̹o͕̝̣͇̼͎ͅr ͍̦̜͖͖̯͢t̺h̢͇̣e̶̪̖͍͚̪ ͔͉̱̯͉̯̥s̲̪̥̣̮͈̦͟w̠͓̠ͅe̛̟̗̱̯̤e͚̙͟t̠͓̝͍̭͉̳͠ ͔̤͖̤̙͢r̭̱͈e̺̦͍̤l҉̠̠͈̘̻̼e̜̤͚͈̙̙̩a̫̲̝͔̝s̨̲̤ḙ͙͍̞̭͕ ̠͍͔̮̟̖͝o͕͇͔̯̩̳̲f̟ ͔̞̪̼̬͓d͉̩̘̦̹̫̘e҉̲a͓͇͍t̩̦͓̭̹̩h̜̳͚̫̻̭̫

“Where should we start?” one of the freaks in her entourage yelled. That specific freak had no volume control.
“I’m thinking… hold on, I have to think… I choose the vocal cords first. Then the face… working down…” She was staring off into the distance.
“Give him the anesthetic.” She snapped out of her reverie and focused again on the helpless Tim stuck on an operating table, giving him a smirk.

This book is the reason why I probably won’t go to medical school. I always liked the idea of being a sysadmin anyways.


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