closure, part 1 (Argentina)

I want to go home; I want to sleep in my own bed; I want a normal life again…
The same trees with their winding branches were haunting outside my window, but this time, the romanticized grays were gone and left instead with the ones that make you feel desolate and alone in the world. They’d been there outside my jail cell while my parents grappled with the law system, pulling out all sorts of defenses about self-defense and being mentally disturbed from just witnessing a death… which I suppose the police believed, of course, because they quickly dropped the case into the laps of private investigators and let me go on the terms that I wouldn’t discuss this with any public people. I guess that plan got shot all to hell, because I’m writing this, but Samhain probably wouldn’t mind having some record of her existence etched in somewhere.
“Argentina? Earth to Argentina?” My mom was driving, demoting me to the passenger seat because my state of mental health was still being questioned. “You look really depressed.”
“Imagine seeing the person you love die in your arms while everybody around you keeps saying that you’re a psychopath.”
A sigh escaped past her lips. “In all fairness, you did kind of look like a killer there.” Her fingernails tapped on the steering wheel to the faint beat of the music, washed down in horribly-adjusted equalizers and drowned out by the winter wind howling outside. It all just sounded like vapid dance music now, made by those who were too rich to experience misery. “Now, when we set foot in the morgue…”
I rolled my eyes, quite exasperated from how many times this had been repeated and exaggerated. “Don’t go crazy, don’t say anything about the police system, don’t do anything awkward with the body. I got it, mom.” But did I really get it, my head leaning against the seatbelt and wishing that I could go back to sleep to travel to better days? Was experiencing a million deaths and dead bodies from the comfort of a book on a stormy day really enough to be prepared to go see one in real life?


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