always unable to let go

we are dazed and confused
feeling like a remnant of the past
hanging in personal solitudes
enmeshed in our own personal hells

my mind keeps recalling the feelings of the word “escape”
auburn skies at the last dregs of daylight
headlights blazing and cutting through the night
illuminated by streetlights and illuminating their own puddles of the morning’s rainwater

Calum keeps murmuring to all of us throughout the day
distracting our simulated hunger (for we are not without the ever present needle in the arm) with tales of love gained and love lost
of intimate nights spent together under the cover of a billion more stars than under our eyelids
one losing roses and peonies and heliconias at a single touch

and Evan is still nowhere to be seen
and the possibility of betrayal sits in all of our minds
it wouldn’t be the first time that someone has died for the one that ended up being their cause of death
but it would be the first time it happened in my sheltered personal universe

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