pink and purple and blue

Being genderfluid… it’s a weird thing, because one moment I’m a girl who wants to wear pretty things and be everybody’s dreamy ray of sunshine, and the next moment, I’m a boy who wants to go put on a suit and go blow some gender norms to complete and utter [censored]. On the days or hours or even moments that I feel like a boy, I’m seized with an almost maniacal obsession with binding my boobs, which is kind of hard when the only thing I have at my disposal to do so are some bath loofahs that’ve fallen apart and I can’t buy a binder because of the inevitable questions from the parentals and the fallout that would ensue. Or maybe I’m just overdramatizing things… it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that.
I’ve started putting my pronouns (they/them) in my bios everywhere I can think of, hoping that a quiet transition into being open will be better than just randomly texting my parents, “hey, I’m genderfluid, have a nice day,” and hoping that there’ll be a positive reaction or maybe none at all. This skin holds a lot of secrets, and whenever one of them doesn’t want to wait three years, (until I’m eighteen) it ends up going completely overboard about coming out and I end up getting in trouble. I don’t want trouble.


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