Lucy, keep your crack far away from me

I have a weird friend named Lucy who’s always disappearing from school at the most inappropriate times. She never gets in trouble for it, though, which kind of worries me because the truancy officer isn’t doing anything about her comings and goings. She’s the only one of my friends with anything even close to representing a significant other that isn’t fictional.

On normal Saturdays, you can find me in my room, being a bum and blogging when not messing around with my internet friends. You don’t generally see me calling people, mostly because my phone is on silent and I hate talking to people. So when my phone started belting out the opening drum line of Complete Surrender, I knew that setting Lucia as a priority contact (which could get past the silent setting) was a horrible, horrible idea.
“Hello?” I yelled after stumbling halfway across the room to quickly snatch the phone from where it had been charging. “This is Taco Bell; may I help you?”
“May Vane, my darling!” Lucy shot back with that airy accent of hers, acquired from some foreign country I would probably never have the opportunity to go to. “How have you been?”
“Tired, sick, and depressed as usual.” I sighed, resigning myself to an afternoon full of incessant questions and two confused parents who would want to know every single detail of the conversation. “Why are you calling? Is Michael The Wondermuffin gone again and you need someone to entertain you?”
“No, darling, it’s just that…” I could hear papers shuffling around on the other end of the line. “I’ve got this ticket here, and I was wondering if you had a job already.”
“Lucia, you’re going to have to be a lot less vague than that, because I have no idea what in the world you’re going on about.”
Are you employed?
“Of course not, you idiot, I’m fifteen and I have no idea how I’m going to have a future other than working McJobs and getting bankrupt from college debt .”
“Well, I wondering if you’d like a job… You’d work after school and on the weekends, there’d be lots of opportunities to meet new people, and let’s not mention the free food…”
“Lucia, cut to the chase already.”
“Well, my friend here wants to hire you as a model.”

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