May and the eight “I’d really rather you didn’t”s

  1. I’d really rather you didn’t misjudge someone’s motives and assume that everything that they do is an attempt to make you look bad or otherwise attack you or your image. That’s awfully self-centered, you know…
  2. I’d really rather you didn’t make drama whenever someone famous ends up dating someone else who is famous and, in other words, not you. “Ermagersh! Jim Bob is dating Billy Joe!” It’s not your relationship; stop worrying so much about it. It’s probably not going to end up affecting you in the long run. (Unless you let yourself get consumed by hate about it, that is…)
  3. I’d really rather you didn’t let your beliefs somehow give you an excuse to make someone else’s life a living hell. For example, yeah, you may be against gay marriage, but that doesn’t mean that you have the right to tell others that they can’t marry just because your wacked-up beliefs tell you to. (Those beliefs would be kinda stupid, anyway, but that’s a RANT FRIDAY for later.)
  4. I’d really rather you didn’t force kids into all learning the same thing at the same pace. I stink at math! Why do you crazy school officials keep wedging me into advanced-placement math classes? Based on MAP/MCA test scores? It’s not like those tests affect my GPA anyway, or I’d be at the top of the school. And what about those who are far ahead of their peers? Why aren’t you providing a good alternative to sitting bored in class and blogging or reading or doing something that the teachers will possibly misinterpret as an unwillingness to listen to authority?
  5. I’d really rather you didn’t make fun of somebody else’s music taste. You like vapid pop crap that’ll be droped in a few years for some other plethora of catchy songs? Cool. You like heavy stuff with lots of screaming? Cool. You know what? Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who likes what, because we’re all basically just sacks of meat sitting on a speeding sphere of gobbledygook that orbits around a massive fireball, and once you realize that, the matter of whether or not the person next to you likes One Direction or not becomes utterly irrelevant.
  6. I’d really rather you didn’t somehow “forget” your morals at the door and “forget” to ask that woman you’ve had your eye on whether or not you can kiss her and touch her butt or whatever you crazy people do nowadays or “forget” that the person you want to have intimate relations with is a minor and they’re legally incapable of giving consent and that waiting until the legal age of consent is infinitely better than… you know, not waiting and being labeled a rapist your whole life.
  7. I’d really rather you didn’t decide to be an extremist and blow up/otherwise kill innocent people for the purpose of making your religion look better than everybody else’s, because it just makes you and your wacked-up beliefs look stupid. If you’ve got it into your head to be a martyr, (and you need professional help, trust me) at least do it in a way that doesn’t cause harm to other residents of this trashed-up planet we’re all forced to share for now.
  8. I’d really rather you didn’t indoctrinate children at a young age. Children are gullible- almost everybody knows that- and if you end up teaching them something that’s wrong, well, their whole worldview is going to be distorted by that one little fact. Even more if you end up raising them in a belief system that ends up being false- it’s really hard to recover from that. Just look at people who grew up in cults and then ended up somehow leaving them- they’ve had to stay in therapy for a while just to get rid of some of the urges that had been instilled in them.
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